Because we bring the gay

There was some ensuing noise somewhere about the wonderful possibility of eradicating the institution of marriage . I forget where since I am in a ginger tea induced stupor. Yes, I am a pekoe drunk belle far niente. Deal with it later.

On the topic of making redundant marriage(or making marriage redundant?), I have precious little to offer. I am not married, I don’t know if I ever will. I don’t spend a lot of time contemplating it. Food and travel rate significantly higher on my list of things to obsess about. Closely followed by feminism, technology and behavioral sciences. All those combined is why I will never marry, I guess.

I do muse, wondrously, how is that it’s usually the happily married-we-got-our-mugs-on-our-mugs-and-have-matching-curtains-and-crockery-that-would-shame-most-BnBs-in-the-state-of-Virginia type of people who usually feel the need to extrapolate about the impotence of this “social construct/necessary evil”. To them I’d say – Yes and you forgot Poland. Ruminate.

Book buying frenzy shows no signs of immediate arrest. I picked Gunter Grass, Banana Yoshimoto, Luigi Barzini and Nadine Gordimer. And a dozen others. Also, I am really looking forward to picking up the The Jewel of Medina, if it ever makes to a bookstore near me. I know for sure that no Barnes and Nobles across United States of Dementia is stocking it, so I can’t possibly bribe an upstart up north to get it for me. Gah!

In the middle of all that bibliophilic glow that usually makes my face appear softer and more tolerable than it normally is, I saw something priceless. A copy of People, the Indian version.

Lo! and behold, homo-erotic front-pages have never looked better or, well, so homo-erotic. Our gilded Olympians, the erstwhile boxer and the wrestler, are in some sort of a WWE meets Playgirl grip that will bring early Christmas joy to many a gay heart. Men, of course.

Unfortunately, I have searched all the lands in all the internets to procure an online rendition, but to no avail. Much sobbing.

The inside of the magazine is splattered with more bare-bodied hugging and some serious m/m love. I am delighted. I really am. In a country that’s still debating, the repealing of Section 377, this is a harbinger of good times. Finally, I can say this with much affection – Congratulations to Indian Publishing!

We bring the gay.

Counter-point

Actually. No, we don’t.
The central government is yet not consumed by the yuletide/diwali/ramadan spirit and still holds reservations(hold it: a pun!) against the homosexuals.

“Homosexuality is a social vice and the state has the power to contain it,” … “It (decriminalizing homosexuality) may create breach of peace. If it is allowed then evils of AIDS and HIV would further spread and harm the people. It would lead to big health hazard. It would degrade moral values of the society,”

- Additional Solicitor General P. P. Malhotra.

Pee Pee is bang on the money. And if you wanton wench type people don’t see it then you are bigger pisspots than he is. Not that I would ever call him a pisspot, even if I thought he was. And I don’t think he was or is. Or something.
So, there.

Tough.

Forget what those pesky epidemiologists say about AIDS, this by far is the best way to put the brakes on it.
As a nation we must support this ideology. Else, soon we will be overtaken by a platoon of well coiffeured and nice smelling homosexual men, armed with strawberry lip-glosses and copies of Elle Decor, clad in a charcoal gray Armani jackets or alternatively a nice pinstripe suits trying to force good taste and an appreciation for opera into our simple ways. Blasphemy.

And what about those gay women?
I heard they pray at the altar of Pottery Barn. Pagan furniture worshippers!

*Shriek*

How do they even do it? (asked by a B.Tech, much grimace distorting his face)

Sexual perversity in Mumbai?
We can’t. We mustn’t.
Let’s restrict it to natural carnal acts.

I extended this post after I got this nagging little email from a *gay* person I know of. (If the government is reading this, then I absolutely DO NOT condone of such *sickly* practice.)
The gays and their whining, oh! we aren’t treated like people. We are normal people, blah, blah, blah. What’s normalcy in regular hetero eyes anyway? It’s not till you’ve fudged a couple of marriages and abandoned a few dysfunctional kids that you have even gained acquaintance with normalcy. So, homos of the sapiens, YOU aren’t normal. Sock it, really!

Anyway, this nagging *gay* person was disgruntled about the way this whole situation has shaped up(down?).

“I am a criminal for wanting to be with someone who just so happens to be a boy. All because, I too, am a boy. So, I can’t/shouldn’t love him?”

Of course not. Young laddie, that’s a serious crime. Loving people. Why! All you amorous *gay* persons must be banished from the kingdom for your illicit “love”, with necks tied to the shins, no less. Red torture style.
Also, what is this schmaltzy crap of wanting to be with someone?
Take a leaf out of the books of those thousands of unfaithful heterosexual couples incrementing like beggars outside a mosque.
Find yourself a girl you can cheat on. Forget this *perverted* line of thought.
Being with a boy! Hah!

For all of you *lesbian* persons. (I can’t even say that out loud without wanting to soap my own mouth with Margo, which btw has neem extracts to keep your skin oil free, the gays told me this too.)
You disgust me.
Vile. Vile. Vile.
I saw Fire, and though I got really excited at one point in time (but they didn’t do anything and that totally killed my mojo*), I absolutely abhor the concept of *lesbian* persons. Such persons are the plague of the society. How dare they not desire copulation with hirsute, virile, Indian men with efficient sperm count?
Isn’t it God’s will that we engage in locking lips, organs et al to reproduce?
Will God ever forgive us for actually making love for, say, pleasure?
Self expression and freedom are hardly what Nature intended for the most evolved being of the species.
Unnatural transactions, I say. There is a reason we have dicks running amok. You *lesbian* persons just don’t appreciate the abundance of dicks in the Indian society.
Bad.

Pedophilia, rape and human trafficking can wait for the time being. So can illiteracy and unemployment because we must first gut the sodomites. This is a far more serious issue orbiting our national conscience.
And what a clear conscience it is.

*- My Fire was cut. I didn’t even get to the good stuff. Edited DVD it seems. I should’ve sought a refund.