Your car may not bang my wife again

I have the flu and that sucks the fun out of being unproductive at work given that I can’t really go to work. Ever since the corporate bag descended upon me, I have strived – meticulously so - to construct a revolution of my own. A personal shaking of the business truths, if you will. Everyday, I arrive at my work desk, bright eyed and bushy tailed, the kind of appearance you would expect from a deeply self-motivated corporate cog, only to remain highly useless to anything or anyone at my job. It might be an exercise in tedium –  to be a fruitless (in a manner of speaking) time-squatter is no joke  –  however I have invested too much of my heart and soul in doing nothing to now deviate from it without feel a wrenching pain in my spleen. I did study Socrates, didn’t I? It’s hemlock before honest labor.

 Hence, I am upset with the fact that the damned flu has thrown a spanner in the works. Though, technically, there is no work  when I am at work. Essentially, though there is work, I ensure I am not in it’s firing line.  Okay. This flow of thoughts is getting mighty confusing so I will abandon it now.

Since, all the time I squander on the job was left to me un-squandered at home, I decided to clean my room. There are only so many spider families you can co-habit with, without them planning a rebellion against you. I chanced upon a few assessment papers from a Business English class I had taken about 3 years ago. It was a bunch of dim-witted software helpdesk chaps. Honestly, I have met bags of turnips with better language skills. As I neatly folded the papers, so that I could cut ugly clowns into them to amuse myself by scaring the neighbor’s kid at night, I found a particularly interesting mock letter. As part of the curriculum, the participants had to churn out emails on topics that no sane person would ever really care about- thanking a neighbor for taking care of your cactus, applying for a job, asking for a leave once you get the job (it’s the correct chronology in an Indian office). Personally, these are moot points. I carry my cactus with me 24/7 and I have never really applied for a job by an email. I simply thundered into the offices of those who were hiring, decked in feathers and face smeared with red paint, perched on a stallion and roaring “Geronimo!”. That’s always clinched the best positions in the corporate world for me. But no one follows my style of functioning. As a result I am left to teach them how to write insipid, boring letters to apply to jobs.

So, this toad had to write a letter admonishing his neighbor for crashing his car into the wall they supposedly shared.  Not as boring as applying to a job, still pretty darn annoying, you will agree. Amidst all the nonsense that he had scribbled, the statement that particularly caught the eye went something like this :

” But you are not being careful while your car may not bang my wife again”.

I suspect he is heading a helpdesk team in a galaxy not so far away. This is why I am opposed to computers and those who operate upon them.